Visual Meditation

One thing that is very helpful to do after meditating is to write down your experiences. Now I would like you to be aware that I have been meditating for many years now, but over the past 6 months or so I have fallen out of habit of doing it regularly or for very long. My hour or two sessions became more like half an hour, then maybe 15 minutes, and in the past couple months not at all. I stopped completely. I am not sure how or why this happened but none the less, it did, and it began to have a negative effect on my relationship with my girlfriend and my overall happiness and stability. (Meditation is one the aforementioned things in my previous blog that I wanted to begin doing again.)

Now the practical thing to do since I haven't meditated in quite some time would have been to start out slow, only spend maybe 10 or 15 minutes concentrating on my breath. That was my goal when I started, but I had so much energy built up inside that I needed to release that it started flowing out much quicker and intensely than I had anticipated, so I turned on my iTunes and set my entire library on shuffle, closed my eyes and began to focus on color movement. I had an instrumental piece play first, so I took advantage of that time to relax my body and enter a more relaxed state than I had been in when I had just been focusing on breathing and counting. By the time I was done with that I realized Missy Higgins was playing. It was a calm song, a tad bit sad, and I saw many shades of blue and torquoise, slowly fading in and out and changing between the colors. The next song to play was White Lies by Ron Pope. The color variation here was minimal, shades of whites and grays, very little movement, a solid visual overall. It too was a calm song, quite relaxing, and did not provoke any negative thoughts or feelings. Next came a very different song, Taking Over Me by Evanescense. Probably not the best song to have playing while meditating but I take all songs as they come at me so I kept my eyes closed and let the visuals come to me. There were two very contrasting and dominant colors in this visual, them being dark reds and greens. They were spiraling downward as the song played and every now and then became too intense and I would have to whipe the slate clean and start over. I did not like this very much and was happy when the song was over. After that an acousitc version of Never Alone by Barlowgirl began to play and this time I felt as if I was floating through a bright and cloudy sky as there were many shades of white and blue. It was very warming and a very refreshing experience after my previous one.

I stopped the player after this song and sat in silence. I could hear crickets outside my window and the sound of the TV coming from downstairs. I let those sounds come and pass, just let them be and focused on my body. I was very aware of the heat in my hands, especially my right hand. They felt very heavy but I lifted them up and put them next to each other in a prayer like state, but did not have them touch. The energy in between both palms was incredibly intense and I let it flow out through my fingertips. After this I felt very drained and lay down for a bit, not thinking, not moving, just resting. I decided to end the meditation and stretch, just to make sure I realigned my body and got all the energy out that I needed to and sat for a while in reflection.

The whole process took more like an hour rather than 10 minutes, which was ok with me, I have no other plans for the evening. I thought about Claire and how before meditating I had been worried I was causing negativity in our relationship over the past week or so. I feel now that I have cleansed my mind of this worry, and that if it ever comes to rise again I know now how to fix it. So I am looking forward to her getting off work so that I can speak to her cheerfully, rather than in the worried state I had been in earlier. I thought about the other things in my life that had been making me nervous like my appoinment tomorrow and starting class on Wednesday, and rather than being overstimulated by the excitement, I felt calm...just as I had hoped to feel. I realized after my meditation that this was one of the major things in my life I had been needing to do that I hadn't been, in order to maintain my identity. I will continue to write more on this subject and my experiences. For now I am going to watch some TV, read a little, and just relax for the rest of the evening.